I could feel a volcano in my stomach. I could feel the pressure building, and I could see the lava bubbling to the surface. It wanted to explode, to release - so I cried, and I cried.... My beloved held me in his arms and let me erupt the emotions that I had stored in my body for far. too. long.
And these emotions were not just mine. They were the culmination of the collective energy that had been building and building and building.
When I allowed the collective consciousness to overtake me, I could feel a wildfire burning, I could hear a high pitch scream along with the sensation of the Earth's heart beat. The pulse kept getting stronger and deeper. I could hear the words "WAKE UP."
I know that Earth is calling us to action. She wants us to wake up, to change our way of be-ing in this world.
She says "think of your children and the generations to come. Think of the resources, of the plants and the animals. Wake up children, wake up. The time is NOW."
And this volcano was mine too, the culmination of the story that I am not enough, that I feel trapped to the clock and my duties at work, that I am the keeper of secrets and storer of others' wounds, that I need support too...
I needed to be heard, to be witnessed, to allow these pains to take voice.
Can you relate to this? Have you ever felt this building of energy, so fierce that there was no other option but for it to erupt?
This eruption left me feeling dry, puffy-eyed and pressurized. It felt like someone blew up my head like a balloon and then let me go. I needed to be anchored back to Earth. I needed my beloved to tie my string down, to remind me that all is well even still.
And he did this with tenderness and care, sweetness and affection.
I cannot help but think of all of these volcanic episodes from my youth, when I exploded and I felt as if there was NO ONE or ANYTHING that could anchor me back down. I did not know how to be the anchor for myself, nor did I know how to receive it from others. I thought that something was wrong with me. I would worry that I was going crazy or that I was depressed, so I blocked myself from support and care, because you see, I had this belief that I needed to be perfect in order to be loved.
I did not know what I needed. I did even think to ask myself what could have helped. Instead, week after week, I allowed the tears to roll and the aches to explode.
These explosions physically hurt. They were my body's way of saying "wake up, Meghan, feel something. It's okay to be alive..." And so, instead of simply feeling things as they arose in my day, I turned off, I went numb and I disassociated, because when I felt, I was overwhelmed.
I wonder if you too have been through a similar process. I wonder if you too feel highly sensitive. If so, I want you to know that your sensitivity is a gift, especially when used with intention and understanding.
Somewhere in my youth, I learned that it was dangerous to feel fully alive, that it was dangerous to show how I felt. So I masked my emotions, not only from the world, but even from me.
What did you learn about your emotions as a youth?
These last several years, I have peeled off the layers of paint that I covered myself with. I have chosen to BE SEEN. I have chosen to feel alive, to feel present and to speak my truth more liberally, with more volume and more often.
I still get these volcanic episodes, but they are much more rare.
And here are 6 ways that you can feel supported when the volcano of emotions arise:
1. Accept yourself for being sensitive
2. Ask for help
3. Talk to your Highest Self and your womb to see what you need
4. Allow yourself to be seen, even when you want to hide
5. Express your emotions, each and every one of them, even when it feels scary
6. Allow yourself to open up and receive support from the Universe
If you are anything like me, you are probably a highly-sensitive heartfelt woman that wants to emotionally support others all of the time. What I have learnt though, is that there needs to be time to restore, a time to release, and a time to be supported.
And so, if your cup is already full and you could use a release, I want you to know that I offer 1 on 1 support through Nourish Calls. They are for you to express your heart, to uncover your needs and to go deep within. It is my hope that you leave the hour long session feeling clear, heard and as if something has shifted for you.
Many blessings to you
XO
Meghan